Are you kidding me Bro?

Ssssoooooo I have a habit of finding 9,000 other things to do then go on a date when I'm not really feeling a connection. As in, if I am totally indifferent to going out with the guy, and think "ya know, I need to get a jump start on my 2015 taxes.  I should just cancel/move that date so I can go through my paperwork at home."  

When that happens a few times, I realize it's me, not them.  This isn't the first time I've done this.  I often squish my insecurities down deep inside to keep up appearances (the good old 'fake it till you make it' thing), so when I start avoiding a date, I know after a while I'm just not happy with ME.  And I've blown off 3 dates in the past month.  SSsssssooooooo......I'm taking a break from dating.  

This will be my last post for a little while as I go through what feels like a mid-life crisis.  I am feeling VERY Under the Tuscan Sun with a Wedding Date where we Eat, Pray and Love our way through the Holiday.  

AND THEN THIS HAPPENED (I'm blue, he's yellow):

HE THOUGHT I WAS A MAN PRETENDING TO BE A WOMAN ONLINE!  It really bothered me because I'm an honest person.  Even though this person is a stranger it still bothers me someone would think me a fake.  Hence the picture of me.  But here's the thing, bringing this all back to technology and dating:

There was no way for me to prove to him that I am what/who I am.  How creepy is that?!  I'm totally guilty of this, but y'all, we put ourselves too much out there on the inter webs with no protection.  

The most INCREDIBLE EPILOGUE EVER:

My friend and fab single lady's Facebook status.  

And with that?  

I'm out.  

For now.  

Is honesty the best policy?

I've jumped back into the online dating thing, and I'm pretty happy with what my profile looks like now, it's honest and simple.  Some interesting bites, but nothing major.  

Funny aside, I actually texted a few profile pictures of guys that had reached out to me to a coworker.  One of them is a young chap that....well.....is pretty stereotypical hip hop, chains, flat rimmed cap, bronzer, tattoos, kinda Jersey Shore but with a Boston spin with Celtics gear and lots of "wicked"s in the profile, etc.  He (my coworker) responded with "tell Sully I said hey".   

Fast forward a week, and I've started talking to a guy.....with the last name Sullivan.  And when he left a voice mail, "hey Sarah, this is @#$%!^& Sullivan, you can call me Sully, just calling to say what's up..."  SULLY!  I feel like a true Bostonian now. 

 So, here's the point of my blog post:

Chatting with a guy name Bob*, but wasn't enamored by any means.  When you are chronically single and online dating, you go through phases of saying "what the hell, I don't want to limit my chances of meeting someone" and "No, this is ridiculous, I'm worth it, I need to be picky, I know what I want and I won't settle for less!" So you tend to ebb and flow in taking a chance on people you wouldn't normally date. 

But look, at 35, you like someone or you don't.  Or is it that easy?  Do I think that cause I'm feeling insecure about myself?  More than likely.  Online dating is scary cause there is a chance you meet someone in person and they don't like you, or you don't like them.  Most people before the age of online dating met at a party, or at a bar, or the gym....there was something that sparked a reaction, a feeling in one or both people.  That only mildly happens with online dating.  

Bob and I chat a bit through the dating site.  I forget to keep active on the site (dude, its work), and I get this message:

"Hey there!!  It's been more than 1 week and I haven't heard back from you. Maybe you were too busy or my message got buried under millions of other messages from guys on this site. Either way I thought you were friendly after two messages but not sure what to think at this point."

'I don't know what to think at this point'?  Perhaps they need a boy version of "he's just not that into you." 

I should have just written this off then.  But I was on the "I don't want to limit my chances" train, so here we go, leaving the station with Bob, and I give him my number, explaining that text is easier than dating app.  He calls me a few times but only leaves 1 message (not in a creepy way, he called a few different times over a week), but I never took the call.  I was never in the mood.  

He asks me out for Friday, I then go out Thursday night and have a BLAST, and am horribly hung over and tired on Friday.  I didn't even TRY to make an excuse to my trainer or Bob.  "I just really can't meet up tonight, I'm exhausted and would't be good company, but I'll call you later to figure out plans for Saturday".  I realize not only do I not want to call him, I don't want to go out with him.  In the meantime, he's texted with 3 different ideas for our date the next day, the last being hanging out at the Lawn on D.  For my non-Boston friends, this is a place I am dying to go, awesome park with food trucks, swings, corn hole, art exhibits, life size board games, all for adults and kids.  But guess what that would mean?  A LONG ACTIVITY DATE.  No way to leave.  

So I text, tell him that I have to be honest, I don't think it's gonna work out, I've just got too much going on (like not changing out of your pi's, cleaning your DVR and writing a blog post) and I don't really feel a connection.  

Well.  He wasn't happy about that.  "Um, I call BS on that.  How come you were so incredibly excited about our date and now all of a sudden you are too busy?  And how can you know there's no connection considering we haven't met in person?"  

Should I have lied and pushed off the inevitable "look I'm just not into you" text/call?  What part of my text message wasn't ACTUALLY "I'm just not that into you"?  He also said (paraphrasing, I deleted the convo) "you are 35 years old and on a dating site, grow up, don't string people along."

Moral of the story?  Dodged a bullet.  

But should I have lessoned the blow?  Should I have never engaged in the first place? Would I really be ok with it if a guy cancelled the night before with "I'm not really interested in you"?  No, but I'd like to think after my pride got a good bruising, I'd be fine.  I don't want to be with someone who isn't into me!  At 35, I think you can tell who's into you and who isn't!  

Remember Sully?  To be honest, I think he's doing this to me.  And it's ok.  He's called me, I've called him, we text from time to time, and we seem to have a lot in common, and I'm more attracted to his profile pictures.  But our last text was this past Monday and I left him a vm on Thursday.  I won't text to ask him why he isn't trying to sweep me off my feet because I felt a connection.  I won't follow up at all.  THERE'S YOUR SIGN 

Surveying the Dating World

Wish me luck; I’m going to Europe for 12 days!!!!!!!!!  I won two free business class tickets anywhere Delta flies in Europe, so I asked one of my besties Allie to join me and we chose….CROATIA!  Cro-WHAT?  Where?  Wasn’t there just a war there?

• It’s on the other side of Italy, on the Adriatic Sea

• The war was in the early 1990’s, and actually, I’m looking forward to learning the history of this recovering & developing culture.
• It’s in the EU, but hasn’t adopted the Euro yet.  Holla to a killer exchange rate! 
• Although I’m REALLY MAD AT THEM, I am beyond excited to tell you that Game of Thrones is filmed there, and I will be going on two different walking tours in Split and DubrovnikJ
• I’ve had 3 different people tell me in the past week that “oohhhh they have really good looking men there…”  HUH??? One person said “Lucky you, they are known for their TALL handsome men” I might not come back y’all. 
• Plus, it looks like this:

I’ve been wallowing in the self-pity of my lovely disorder the past few months, so there hasn’t been any dating (other than this debacle).  BUT, this all changes after vacation (ok and the 4^th of July)!  I’m headed back to the gym, I’m getting back to dating, and I’m making some drastic changes to my eating and drinking lifestyle. 

A follow up to the whole technology and dating theme I’ve been on recently:

A good friend of mine recently had a really crazy dating experience that he was sharing with us over drinks….the guy he went on a date with asked a LOT of uncomfortable questions about their date the next day like, “on a scale of 1 – 10, was this the best date you’ve ever been on?”  He then proceeded to call my friend, leaving a voice message “call me as soon as you get this, I’ve got something really important I want to tell you.” 

• You’re dying
• You’re married
• You’re moving

These are all reasonable, albeit totally dramatic, things.  He just wanted to tell him that he REALLY liked him and that he wanted to see him again.  Other than the fact that the man is clearly crazy-sauce, we were stuck on the barrage of questions regarding the date itself and what my friend thought of this man.  How awkward!

Deep down though we all want to know these things after a date!  Shit, I want to know these things after a business meeting.   It’s just that we aren’t allowed to ask.  We can tell, if we want, and clearly, if you tell too much you might scare them off (case in point above). 

My solution?  SURVEY MONKEY / GOOGLE FORMS follow up!  Who doesn’t love technology in their dating life these days?  I think we should all have customized surveys to send people we go on dates with.  This will help vet those that are lukewarm, not at all, or cray-cray into us.  And then WE won’t waste THEIR time and vice versa. 

I am a tad old school and always thank the guy for a nice night via text when I get home from a date.  Couldn’t you see:

“Thanks for a nice evening, let me know how it went:  www.surveymonkey/iwentoutwithsarah “

I stand firm that “Fetch” will happen someday, and so will this.  

Oh and Tracy?  You're now officially in my blog :P

TEK-a-nol-og-GEE in dating part two

Miss me??  Well, I don’t miss the dating world.  

PSA Announcement:  Without going into too much detail or starting down a “whoa-is-me” path, I have some medical issues that have really sidelined me from my normal life.  It’s something I’ll deal with for the rest of my life and am trying to learn all I can and find the right balance to get back to normal.  Thankfully I've been blessed with a killer sense of humor. I can’t WAIT to explain it to someone I want to start dating.  On like date 10.  Taylor Swift hits close to home:

Find out what you want
Be that girl for a month
Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh no

Screaming, crying, perfect storms
I can make all the tables turn
Rose garden filled with thorns

…but I really don’t get drunk on jealousy, I get drunk on a nice dry rose.  Or Tito’s and soda with a lime.

Disclaimer:  I’m going to talk about sexual encounters.  If we know each other through our professional worlds or you are family, perhaps stop here.  No graphic interpretations, just frank talk.  If you think I’m an innocent angel, click here for a great distraction (NUMBER 20!!! WTF is a Foal or a Dik Dik??)

Remember that my point of this story is technology.  It is a follow up to my previous post where I state that technology is messing up the dating world.  And how it changes our dating behavior.  

So y’all, I was reverse – cougared a few weeks ago.  Does everyone know what a cougar is?  I didn’t even think ANYTHING of it in the moment (b/c  there was copious amounts of alcohol involved, but really) cause I don’t think I’m old.  I still feel sometimes like a young lass. But the reality is that I’m entering that social class of “older woman on the prowl”.  I think I’m a Puma?  Which is a younger Cougar?

I digress.  Long story short my girlfriend and I end up going home with these boys in the wee hours after a concert and post-show bar shenanigans.  I’m a country girl at heart (Thanks Clemson!) and this boy loved nascar, guns, and country music.  And apparently, nabbing a cougar.  He was STOKED I went home with him.  I’ve been told he was essentially high-fiving his friends that we actually showed up to the bar like we said we would.  He and I talked all night (I bet it was more like 45 minutes till close). It was never a question as to what would happen next.  At one point my friend actually asked if we were being “cougared”.

I was not on my A game, but I think I did some good things.  I woke up when he kissed me goodbye and went to work.  I had no idea where I was, and had to call my friend, somewhere in the house, to find her to leave.  

Technological advancement #1:  The walk of shame is no longer.  We had the UBER drive of shame at 7 am:

Me:  “OMG that was just stupid.”

Friend:  ” Dude, my guy was creepy…..that was….creepy…..”

Me: “Creepy?!?!? Why?”

Friend: “……it was creepy…..just…stuff….we did…”

Me: “Hey! This is our walk of shame.  In a car.  The poor driver.  We are too old for this.”

I happen to have plans with said friend a day later, and we laughed hysterically about the entire experience.  Crazy one night stand, right?  Wrong.  She exchanged #s with her guy, I did not.  I didn’t remember my guy’s name and I was totally fine with that.  It was what it was.  Well she left jewelry there. So she was texting with him.  He wanted to see her again.  Yay to my friends’ skills!   

Technological advancement #2:  The longer my girlfriend and I hung out, the more, since I had information at my (her) fingertips, I went from loving what happened and loving that I didn’t even know his name…..to, well, wanting to know his name. For posterity.  Scotty.  Fine.  

Gosh, I don’t even remember what he really clearly looks like…….friend, did you find your guy on Facebook? Oh you did?  Did you see my guy in his list of friends?  Oh, his friends are private? Oh, bummer………”Do you want me to FB friend him Sarah so we can find him?”

Yes. Yeah, why not.  I mean, you need your jewelry.  

Then she shows me my guy’s facebook page.  TWENTY THREE.  Just got out of the Marines.  Really good looking.  Hhhhmmmmmmm maybe I do wanna know him a little……I mean……

Damn you Facebook!  Damn you for making the vast majority of the world’s life available for stalking at your fingertips.  I went from thinking I didn’t want to know his name let alone see him again to “well, LORD, he’s HOT, maybe we could have fun with no strings this summer, I mean, he does live near me and knows the south too (he was stationed at Ft. Bragg).

If this was 10+ years ago, it would have been what it would have been, nothing more.  A funny story to laugh about and wonder “I wonder what he’s up to now…..” Well, now we can always know.  

And one more side effect of this social media phenomenon:  Insecurity based on pictures.  Not only is he super good looking, there are pictures of ex-girlfriends that are beautiful, young, skinny, and fun.  I immediately think, oh LORD, what was he thinking taking me home!  

Now, sometimes it’s funny, like my friends’ guy.  He clearly likes women’s breasts. My friend isn’t lacking in this department, and his ex’s rack is Dolly Parton large.  Still intimidating, but more funny.   Facebook shows the persona you want to portray to the public, for better or worse.  It’s subliminal marketing.  

I won’t lie, this was super fun, mildly embarrassing, and totally needed.  I needed to feel…something.  Listen, I’m not the first person to have a one night stand, but it’s not my M.O. so the whole experience was….silly……technology makes it crazier.

Follow Up:  A week or so later my friend and I were once again together and went out for a cocktail after the theater.  Her guy was texting her, saying they were out at a bar near my house, and he was with Scotty.  Being the wild and crazy person that I am (NOT) and fueled by a few glassed of that dry rose, I asked her to send her guy my phone number to give to Scotty.  

Friend: “uuuuummmm…….are you sure you want to do that?......I don’t know…….”

Me: “yeah why the hell not, he was all about the cougar, fuck it. “  

Friend: “I don’t think this is a good idea…..”

Me: “me, who cares, just do it.”

And she did.  And in case the suspense is killing you, I never heard a peep.  Which in the long run teaches me a lesson:  Just let it be.  Don’t let the advent of technology ruin what is the ancient art of the one night stand.  

At the end of the day, I don’t want these stupid things to happen.  I want to not be alone.  I want companionship and respect. In the words of the country singer Johnny Lee, from the magical movie Urban Cowboy (staring the obvious acting choice of John Travolta):

I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places

Lookin' for love in too many faces

Searchin' their eyes, lookin' for traces

Of what I'm dreamin' of

Hopin' to find a friend and a lover

I'll bless the day I discover,

Another heart- lookin' for love.

You want to do WHAT with me and we haven't gone on a first date yet?!?

Try to imagine if you didn't organically learn about your partner's bedroom preferences and habits over time as your relationship grew, but was discussed, often in detail, over text message and telephone in advance of intimacy or hell, even a first date.  Welcome to 2015 online dating.

                                                 It's so annoying.  SO. ANNOYING.

It's something I've come to expect, and to a degree, I don't mind engaging in.  I'm sarcastic and flirty, and hard to offend.  Many of my closest friends are men and so I have a thick skin.

I'm also very open; hence this blog.  I don't hold back, and this includes being able to talk about sex.  At 35, if you can't have a frank discussion about sex, or not know what you like and what you don't like, well, that's a shame.

Asking a man if he prefers lace, silk or cotton delicates on a lady could be indicative of what kind of lover he is. or at least starts to build a story.  Him asking me what my preferred type of birth control is is not indicative of my actions in the bedroom.

Not only does it become strange when you've never met the person face to face, but it is sssooooo odd when you meet for the first time.  I don't know what kind of car you drive, but I do know your favorite position is reverse cowgirl.

To me, it leaves nothing to the imagination, and let's be honest, builds up false expectations of what the first time will be like (if it gets that far).

• it's contradictory to say you are looking for a relationship when all you do is talk about sex.  
• how am I supposed to look like a rock star if I tell you all the tricks I have up my sleeve?
• I don't know you, I'm not going to tell you something as so deeply personal as a sexual fantasy.  
• PLEASE don't send me pictures of your penis.  Again, why don't you leave something to the imagination?  If you think I'm sending something you have the wrong girl.

(Fun story, I have a friend that receives, without asking for them [clearly], masturbation videos. LIVE ACTION people.  If that's not the most clear act of narcism, I don't know what is)

We all know many different online dating sites are known for different things and have members looking for different things - some looking for quick hookups, no commitment, "just looking around", dating, serious relationship, etc.  I don't make any false pretenses that I'm looking for companionship and a relationship.  I only talk to people that are looking for the same.  And yet, the conversation turns to sex quickly.  

I think more and more about how our world is changing; how everything is instant gratification, everything is at our fingertips, so fast.  People read books on screens, fast forward through commercials, heck, watch things via the Internet cause they can't get it instantly on TV.  The same thing is happening in the world of dating.   Let's figure out if we are sexually compatible before we can figure out if we even have anything in common.  Sex is clearly important, but at least ACT like it isn't.  Act like I AM IMPORTANT, not my lady parts.


The irony is that somehow I end up looking like an uptight prude in the process.  If a guy thinks that is lame, he just stops talking to you and moves on to the next profile.  (truth be told I've never been presumptively dumped cause I wouldn't electronically put out, but that's the reality of the electronic dating world) It's like this instant gratification, fast society of ours has also adapted itself to dating - swipe right on first glance if you like some one's face, swipe left if you don't.

It's important to note I'm not whinging...well, maybe I am.  And I know (hope?) there are exceptions out there.  This is just another reason why I'm still single!

An Essay In Pictures: This is Why I'm Single

A few items you should know before I go down this path:

• Grammah is a wicked big deal to me yous guys.  This includes punctuation, correct tenses, run-on sentences and phonetic spellings.  If you can't do this, you can't date me. 
• Side note one of my favorite shows is New Girl.  In a recent episode a character Coach meets a girl on a pub crawl that he's totally smitten with (me too, she's from Being Human the American version!).  She won't give her number, but her email, and asks him to send her an email.  On the next episode he KILLS HIMSELF trying to be suave, flirty, etc. and then decides for honest simplicity and it works.  I seriously want to do this.
• Many people don't take online dating profiles seriously when creating, but I do because I'm not here to get laid, I'm here to find a partner.  I typically see through that pretty quickly.  Especially when trolling OK Cupid, where you can set your status as (paraphrased) "just looking for a one night stand" "in an open relationship" "dating but nothing serious"
• I'm a snarky lady.....and I judge people.  People watching is one of my favorite activities.  Not always to shit on people but to take note of fashion trends, relationships, and airs of confidence, etc. you know, how people hold themselves.  I also love bad fashion, and when I catch people committing social faux pas (picking their noses, readjusting their package).

Other things to keep in mind throughout this blog, may not have to do with these pics in this post:

1. I have a height thing,  I'm tall and have battled my weight my whole life.  I want a guy that can give a great all-encompassing hug; that won't happen under 5'10". 

2. I don't care what you do for work, as long as you like it, am happy, and can not freak out going out to eat once a week.  

3. Dark eyes, dark hair? Done. Facial hair? Forgettaboutit. but I am open minded on this one.  

4. I'm a secretly lazy chick.  Exercise is great and I've grown to love it but don't.....love it.  I do it to survive.  There may be posts on this to come.  Every male profile it seems loves hiking, camping, triathlons, their dog, and anything adventurous you can possibly think of.  Um, I wanna shop.  And eat good food and drink good wine.  

If you know these men, please don't be offended.  But if you know these men, GOOD LORD help them out.  Also, massive disclaimer here folks, I know people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but don't worry, my house is made of plexiglass.  We're good.

THESE ARE THEIR PRIMARY PROFILE PICTURES, YOU KNOW, TO ATTRACT SOMEONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX:

                                                      Gurl, he wants to know whuz up.

Um, is it not apparent I'm Preppy Wasper McWasperson? Let's be clear, race isn't an issue with me.  Here's why I laughed/freaked out when he wrote me:  LOOK at that mean face on his right pectoral!?!?! Can you imagine rolling over to that in the morning?  Ah-no. Those are intense arms btw, and I like arms.  Cute smile.

                                                          Nice fucking shell necklass.

How long after that picture did he vomit/gurgle down his shirt and pass out on his friend's lawn chair while his friend and his significant other made excuses for him "he's really such a sweet man though." "Michael's been my best friend since kindergarten and he's been through some tough times lately."

AAAHHHHHHHHH I'm afraid of my own shadow/picture!! Stay away you nasty reflection! (as I type this, I realize watching Mystery Science Theater 3,000 in HS and college has come in real handy.)

Ok. NO physical attraction, but I kinda wanted to talk to him to find out what game he played and how he did on Price is Right.  I wanna play plinko. Maybe that's his game.  PUN INTENDED!!! 

                                                  Um, are you TRYING to be Mr. Darcy?  (wait, I just noticed it looks       like I said yes to all these people, I did NOT.)

A few reasons I'm ok being single for now, even though there are clearly slim pickings here in Boston:

1. I have grown accustomed to sleeping diagonally across my bed.  Mind you I'm 5'11' so that's a lot of space....
2. Tonight I had a bottle of Rose, a bag (big bag) of Pirate's Booty and some rotisserie chicken for dinner.  And no one judged me. 
3. Whilst typing this blog, I've had the 80's music station on my cable tv.  And may or may not have stopped to dance to "Gloria", "If I could turn back time", and "Girls just wanna have fun".
4. No one near me (in my house) snores.  
5. I don't have to share my DVR.  All Bravo all the time, no judgement. 
6. Not having to wait for anyone to be done with the laundry (or shit, have to do someone's laundry for them). 

Intro to Sarah: What you see is what you get?

I've talked about starting a blog to share with all of my happily partnered friends....well...to give you an idea as to why I'm single.  I share crazy stories and y'all laugh.  I commiserate with other singles and we laugh together so we don't cry.  Here's my attempt at laughing the dating world away in a snarky, superficial, inappropriate, consolidated and thought-provoking way.  Enjoy.

Some Background on Me:

Most know all of this, because well, I'm an open book.  I over-share, don't hold back, and say it like it is.  It's a blessing and a curse.  And most of you have been around long enough to know my sordid dating (oohhh and lack there of!) past.  Hell, many of you have seen me cry over a man at some point in our friendship, or at least drunkenly say I'm over it until that last vodka soda when I erupt into tears.

• I find bullet points quite effective; get to the point! It's organized! 
• I come from a nurturing, supportive, crazy family where I am the center of my parent's world. Sorry brothers, but we all know this to be the case.  (read: princess)
• Recognition of my own independence began when I decided to go to college in South Carolina.  Best decision of my ENTIRE life. It's (my independence) grown exponentially since then.  This is why I have a tattoo of the state flag on my wrist. 
• I'm incredibly insecure and have been "faking it till I make it".  Now I think I deserve an oscar because I've been told I'm "too professional/cold" and "intimidating".  I've become that chick that men are afraid of cause they can't take care of me....if they only knew the truth! Please LORD take care of me, see second bullet point above. 
• I'm incredibly hypocritical.  See bullet above.
• "I don't need you're help!" "Wait, I really just want someone to do stuff for me all the time!"
• I love sports like crazy as well as fashion, shopping and reality tv. 
• Don't make me pick between a dive bar and a swanky martini bar, I love them both. 
• I've been known to go get my nails done, come home, wrap them in plastic wrap, don gardening gloves and weed and mulch my yard. 
• My wardrobe is decidedly PREPPY, and yet I yearn to dress....Anthropology-y. 
• I'm a little bit country, and a little bit rock and roll.  
• Over the past 5 years I've come to the conclusion that I don't want children of my own.  For real people.  I'm not just saying that cause I'm single.  TRUST in that it's a hard conversation to have in the dating world.  Posts to come on that!
• I'm a "best friend slut". I can't decide if I use the term too freely, or that I really do have many best friends.  My bff4eva charm neckless would be broken into about 10 pieces, and I wouldn't have it any other way.   

My Tragic Dating Life, in Bullet Point (!):

• My first rejection came in 4th grade when a kid named Richie said he was GOING to ask me to be his girlfriend but he decided my friend Melissa was better.  
• My first kiss was with a boy I liked SO. MUCH. who was dating one of my best friends at the time, and he and I totally had more in common and more fun than they did.  So when she broke up with him to go to Europe one summer I hit the jackpot.  It was glorious, we hung out constantly....until she returned and they got back together.  The climax of this drama took place backstage during a production of Music Man.   
• In HS every summer I got the amazing opportunity to summer on the cape with incredibly funny and diverse people in my neighborhood.  We were an inseparable gang, of which I always had a crush on one brother, while my best friend always dated the other brother.....until one summer my guy and my bestie started secretly dating so they didn't hurt my feelings?
• I was truly blessed to fall in love with my HS boyfriend.  We were together for about 5 years, and it's because of this I know what love looks like.  Yes, that was adolescent love, but the caring respect that I truly felt he had for me and I for him?  I am confident I at least know what love should look and feel like.  Some people have never had that.  Oh.  Tragedy.  On the 4th of July I chose to hang with him and his buddies instead of with family at the cape celebrating my grandfather's birthday, and he broke up with me ON. THE. WAY. TO. THE. PARTY.  Then made a pit stop to show me the new store he was going to manage, like I wanted to see how awesome he thought his life was going to be.  Then I swiftly figured out that he had been cheating on me with a friend of mine from high school all summer behind my back.  
• Right after college I lived in northern Virginia and dated my college friend's roommate in Baltimore.  It was great, it was fun, it was hot. I moved back to Boston, we never ended it, I drove back down right after to stay with him for the weekend, and in a room full of people, one of his friends talked about how cute he was with their friend so-and-so and how happy they were that they set him up and that they were dating.  RIGHT. HERE. sitting right next to you.  Ya know, the girl who slept in your bed last night?  Maybe wanted to at least clue me in to this news so I wouldn't feel like the world's biggest asshat being the last to know.  
• I had the "best friend/hook up/I'm in love with you/you are trying to break one night stand world records" thing off and on for about 7 years. 
• The ONE entered my life, we were inseparable, I had never felt so comfortable in my own skin around someone else....until after just shy of 2 years together I simply asked him if he was in love with me one night in bed and he answered "no." A few days later he said "It's time I start looking for a wife, and you're not it." Oh, BTW, 3 years later he's married.  

So.  Know that I have trust issues, but not in a creepy I'm gonna hack into your social media accounts type of way.  I keep it in check and am still surprisingly trusting.  EVERYONE has baggage, everyone has insecurities of some sort.  I can't wait to show y'all how bad men are at not keeping their issues in check.  

This blog will be a place for me to share my crazy dating stories, ponder relationships and the female/male psyche, and show people why I have become so picky in the men I date and why you should tell all your single girlfriends, daughters, sisters, nieces, coworkers and mothers (?) why they should be too.